I hate it when people I like fight each other. It makes me hate them and myself. It makes me hate them because, fuck you for fighting in front of me? At least have the fucking decency to do it in private and NOT FUCKING INVOLVE ME. I DON'T CARE. And it makes me hate myself BECAUSE of that. Because I can't empathize with idiots who keep fighting over stupid reasons. Over and over you fight and pretend NOTHING happened and then it HAPPENS AGAIN. YOU'RE JUST LIKE MY PARENTS, YOU KNOW THAT? i hate all of you with a fucking passion.
Every day has been filled with so much anger and sadness. I want to be happy again. I want to love. Why can't you people just let me be happy?
One day I'm going to kill myself and nobody will know. I'm going to bury myself alive and I'll never ever be found. No one will come looking for me. The church will pretend I never existed. One less problem child. I hate this body I hate everyone around me I can't take any of it anymore at all. I feel ill. I'm always sick. I can barely move anymore.
I'm starting to wonder what I am. I've been talking to the man in the radio about things. It's just not the same. I miss listening to the numbers. I don't know what I am. I don't know who I am. It's making me upset. I want to break things but my grandma doesn't deserve that. She's been kind to me. Why am I only getting worse?