childhood

I had a dream again last night. I love dreaming. I was in a big circus tent with lots of pretty, natural lightbulbs all around, making it feel golden all over. Myself and some others were seated in the center of the tent, in chairs in a circle facing eachother. Everyone seemed scared, especially the girl next to me. I remember feeling such vivid emotions about her. I don't know if it was love or not. It could have been hate. They're almost the same thing, so the distinction doesn't matter, but I feel like it was more love.
I reached out to her, a hand on hers, and tried to comfort her. I knew we were in danger, but I didn't feel like I was in danger around her. She made me happy. But I know I didn't make her happy. I think I made it worse, because she cried as I leaned in to hold her. I assured her that all of it was natural. We were just going home. It was just time to go home. I don't know why that made her cry.

I woke up covered in bruises

It sucks sucks sucks not being able to have normal relationships because of my status. I'm a god to these fucking losers and I can't love any of them and they can't truly love me because they don't love me for who I am they love me for what I am. I can't have a meaningful connection with that. I just want someone to come into my life and tell me everything will be ok. Tell me my job is done and that we can rest together in each others embrace

am i a terrible person for that

what if i was a walking corpse with nothing signifying my humanity other than my vague shape XD lol what if that was the case ROFLMAO

i turn 18 tomorrow and i don't know if i'm ready to age again especially with all that responsibility oh god what if i blow my fucking brains out instead

When I was a little girl I got spine surgery and it hurt. When I was a little girl everything seemed so big and scary. Nothing's different now. Am I still just a little girl

i'm so fucking scared i'm just so fucking scared why did i do this to myself why did i commit to this stupid fucking role why couldn't anyone more qualified do this i'm just a kid oh my god i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i wish i could go back please let me go back

my angel, my angel

A few years ago I had a dream where I had a baby girl. I named her Eleanor. She had the cutest, curliest ginger hair and she had the brightest smile. It made me the happiest I'd been in a long time. I didn't want to wake up. We lived in a small cottage up in Maine, I think, right by the water. We had such a beautiful garden that she would play in. My last memory with her was singing her a lullaby as she fell asleep in my lap. I remember it so vividly.
She was never real. Why am I still in mourning?

i had slept for six whole days

Do you think it's possible to exist more than once?

I've been reading parallel worlds by michio kaku and it's helping me cope with things a lot. Some of the ideas are so comforting to me. I don't know why. No one's here to hear it anyways.

Today I walked outside while it was raining and went into town. I saw a mannequin fall out of a trash bin into a puddle. I thought it was a corpse at first. I've been thinking about that all day.