May 17, 2022

Sparrow walks into Spider's room. Spider is laying on the window seat, well, it's more like a window bed. There's a half drunk bottle of vodka in her hand. She gets up, the bottle disappearing, and looks over at Sparrow.

"Hey"

He stays standing and walks over, "Hey, you wanted to talk?"

"Yeah.." Spider sighs, "Do you have any memory back from the month or so you missed?"

"Uhhhhhh no???"

"Bollocks," she mutters, running a hand through her hair, "Right, I'm just gonna say it then," she takes a deep breath, "We broke up"

"...oh..uhhhh ok," Sparrow rubs his arm.

"You ok?" Spider sits back down, rubbing a hand over one of the pelts in her room.

"I thinks so...er uhh...did it go smoothly? The break up?"

"I'll be honest I don't know, we were the entertainment of the house that night, then you avoided me for like two weeks."

"I'll take that as a no then.."

"But from my perspective? I'd like to still be friends with you and I think I'm seeing someone else now so take that as you will," she shrugs, muttering something.

"I'm ok with that," he gives a nod. Spider seems to zone out for a second before shaking her head and snapping her fingers, the vodka bottle reappearing in her hand.

"..So wanna stay and get pissed? Or you can go," Spider shrugs again, "Up to you"

"I'm up for one"

"Great," a small bottle of vodka appears in Sparrow's hand and Spider raises her own bottle, "Cheers"

"Cheers," Sparrow goes to drink.

Spider takes a swig before muttering to herself, "God I hate memories.."

"Agreed dear..." Sparrow leans on the wall and drinks more.

"What's bothering you?" Spider asks.

"Literally everything, I dont know where to start. You?"

"You remember how I told you about layer 9?" Spider clenches a fist and drains the bottle, another quickly taking its place.

"Yeah"

"Well guess who looked into a pit straight into the damn place and wanted to jump in? Plus there's everything that happened last night."

"Yeah I get that." Sparrow finishes his drink.

"What, you think I wanted to go back?"

"No. I just get that feeling," he sets the empty bottle down.

"Ah yes because the longing to have your identity be slowly burned away accompanied by agonizing pain is definitely something everyone feels."

"Maybe not in the exact sense but you're not the only one, trust me"

"You're not getting it," Spider sighs, "I didn't want to go back, I didn't want to experience that again but the second I looked into that pit? I did, I felt like I needed to.."

"Maybe a form of emotional altering"

Spider growls, "I'm so sick of all of this. Can't even get a break in my own head," She chuckles bitterly as she snaps her fingers, a second small bottle appearing for Sparrow. She takes a sip of her own.

Sparrow picks it up and drinks more, "I can't even see half of the kiss without thinking of things anymore.."

"In the bad way I'm guessing"

"You bet"

"So.. spill then"

"Name a kiss memebrr"

"Harm"

"Reminds me of how bad I am at keepingothers safe and evenif i do its only matter oftime. Ivealso got backmemeries of thosetimes inthebunkerand loudenough soundsor gunshots remind me of wheni had shot cole in the throat infront ofherand shot her in theshoulder. notto mentionits the very person who chose to protect and help bandage meupwhen everyone else didnthave any hope in me." Sparrow slurs, "not to mention everyoneelse comforts her so easy and yet i havent said much to her in forever"

"I feel it," she sighs.

"Nameanother"

"Luna"

"Anothrinccent being tormentedby my mistakes. shemeanswell now but i cantunsee herwatchingasyourippedmyhead off out of nothing but curiosity.sheknows almsteverything aboutall of us and yet i feellike she doesntquite understand. ifeelobservedratherthann chattedwith. likethe doctors"

"You..had to bring thatup didn't you?," Spider mutters and drinks some more.

"Youwanna hear yours?"

"Ifyoure just gonna say howmuch you hate me then you can save it," she sighs.

Sparrow looks over directly at her as he speaks, "When i look at you i remember whatits like to be alone in the world, knowing that no matter who i get to know, inorder to relate to them enough to date them they wouldhaveto be so messedup that us beingtogether would becomea mentalburden for one or theother for the pressure of notwantingtostress the others person's already severe issues. ididntbreak up with becuaseihated you. istill love you and always will, youre cunning sarcastic andfunlovingatheart withstrongloyaltybut i would never forgivemyself if i stayedwith youbecuase i couldnot treatyou the way you deserve. thewayi treated youwas immature and unrealisticforourfuture. and imsorry"

"you don't need to apologize...Idont see how youwere immature" Spider chuckles bitterly, "As for what I deserve? You treatedme better morethan I ever deserved not less than it"

"Not withthe best intentdear. iwasnt reallyahundredpercent in"

"itwas bothour first relationships...well in that senseanywaysnot like I was expectingyou to be seriousaboutit," she shrugs, pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them.

"Youwerent?"

"Nope"

"huh...whoops"

"Div," Spider chuckles.

"Heyimdrunkfuckyou"

"That an offer?" Spider laughs, shaking her head.

Sparrow shakes his head, "nopenopnope"

Spider laughs even harder.

"nooffense butnotever," Sparrow says.

"Charming," Spider suppresses a cough, "Jokesasides I ain't offended atall," she sighs, sounding bitter when she speaks, "Wannaknowsomething fun?"

"What?"

"I foundout mysurname! And I'mrelated to a guy who made mylife alivinghell undertheguise of 'mentoring' me andnow everyone keepsfucking callingme it.." Spider trails off and growls.

"Cantbe worsethan my name," Sparrow says.

"it's noteventhat, it's the connectionsandmemories I havewithit," Spider laughs, "Though trustmeit'sworse thangarnet"

"tryme"

"Fairgreen," Spider pulls a face.

"Fair, fair," he giggles some.

"Tosser," Spider chuckles.

"thejoke was right there," Sparrow sits down on the ground

"listenI'm pissedyoureally thinkI'm going togetjokes rightnow?" Spider chuckles, "I seeyou've made yourselfathome"

"its a betterroomthan mine"

"ta" Spider looks over at the door on the far wall and mutters something before speaking up, "Whatmade youchoose your childhoodhome?"

"I guess itwas whati wanted most...but...nowthat i haveit it just feels like somethingi hopedwould stayforever but ended up short on luck...like gettingan A on an old assignment you faiiled already, great andallbut eh, doesntcount"

"yeahiget thatiwas thinking of my oldhome but I figured Ididn't need thememories, soiwent withthis"

"Its reallynice"

"ifyou thinkthisisnice waittillyou seewhatsbehind thedoor" Spider chuckles.

"isitgodscloset?"

"didn't realizegodwasgay" she laughs and gets up, heading over to and opening the door. Sparrow can see a beautiful through the doorway, except some of the wood and plantlife looks rotted.

"ohwow"

"yep" she shuts the door, it looks re-enforced and very secure with several locks on the inside. She walks back over to the window seat and flops down onto it. Sparrow looks ready to pass out. Spider sighs, "Iknowhow youfeel"

"iwishiwasyou" Sparrow mumbles.

"you'rejoking right? Whythe hell would youwanttobe me?" Spider asks. Sparrow rolls his head over to look at her and sighs. Sparrow rolls over to look at him, "Youcantjust saysomethinglike thatand not give meareason"

Sparrow looks at his claws in thought before shaking his head, "nevermindforgetisaid anything"

"is it somethingyou wantto changeaboutyourself?"

"i dunno...itscomplicated"

"tryme"

He takes a deep breath, "whatall do yourecallfrom whenyouguys first met me?"

"alot of things, youusedto useshe/theypronouns forone," Spider chuckles.

"well...iuh..atthetimerose wastakingsomething iwantedand usingit to gettome. So i stopped..." he looks over at Spider, as if worried about the reaction.

"isee and I apologizeifIgot this wrong but I'mstill pissedso.., you'resaying you want tochangeyour pronouns?" Spider sits up, tilting her head slightly at him and stretching.

"ithink...i meaniknowabout bareminimum about allthis....andimdrunk" Sparrow says. Spider chuckles and stands up, walking over to Sparrow. She sits down a couple feet away next to them.

"Igetit,fuck knowsido and it's cheesybutwhatever you decideI'llsupport youyeah?" Spider asks.

"thankyou dear" he nods.

"thoughido havea question"

"andthatis?"

"well Ihave twoactually" Spider asks, "What pronounswereyou thinking? Andareyoutrying to push me awaycallingme dear ordoyou meanitas itis?"

"iimean it. And maybe sheher"

Spider nods and cautiously holds a hand out to Sparrow, "Thank youfortelling methis, regardingtheothers do you wantmetouse your oldpronounsaroundthem for thetimebeing?"

"Fornow. Notsure how togoabout anyof it...andgod im tiredrightnow" she accepts Spider's hand.

"Regardingthepronouns I'll try tohelpanywayI can, Ido havesomeexperience" Spider chuckles, "And forthetiredness? samehereyou can stayhereifyou want, there'ssofasover thereso youcanditch thefloor"

"I thinkicanmake ittomyown room dear. Thankyou,itreallyhelps" Sparrow gets up.

"anytime" Sparrow lets go of her hand and gets up, heading back over to the alcove. She flops on to the window seat thing again, "Night"

"goodnight," Sparrow heads out to the hall.