Jan 12, 2022

Terminal had entered the hall of the Bunker under Moore Manor, and sat on the stair steps. Spider appears in the hall heading towards one of the rooms, they don't notice Terminal. Terminal watches quietly, but stays where he is. Muttering and footsteps can be heard as Spider starts to pace the room. Terminal cautiously gets up and makes his way to the doorway of the room. The muttering gets louder, occasionally intercut with growls, Spider is pacing the room, arms crossed and digging her nails into them.

"Pst, uh, dear?" Terminal asks.

"Shi-" Spider jumps, turning to face Terminal, "..hi"

"Hello dear...er uh, are you well?"

"No, not really, mate," Spider sighs, uncrossing her arms.

"Would talking help?"

"Yeah, sounds better than what I was going to do"

"Right, so whats wrong?" Terminal steps into the room.

"How long have you fucking got?" Spider sighs.

"All night," Terminal sits down.

"Most of this is just the consequences of suppressing my emotions, but also I'm just sick of having to save people" Spider chuckles and takes a shaky deep breath.

"That makes sense."

"Yeah, shock of the century, turns out if you bottle something up for long enough, eventually it explodes.. Still, I was counting on this place being empty."

"If it makes you feel any better," Terminal says, "I think I'm at least getting a bit better at not freaking out...and how is finding new ways to calm down going?"

"That's good I'm glad mate, and well it isn't, not really," Spider sighs.

"Have you at least tried?"

"I tried asking you earlier," Spider mutters.

"Hm?"

"Remember when I asked you if we could spar?"

"Well, I was wondering if you could find a different way of calming down that isn't as physical..?"

"What do you mean by that?" Spider sighs, her expression going neutral.

"I mean it is your mind that we're trying de-stress. Your mind can't heal itself as much as your body ca- er...you're masking again? Even here?"

"Sorry," Spider drops the neutral expression, her face returning to looking upset, "It's kind of a habit now.."

"Well we will work on breaking that habit, no need to be sorry dear," Terminal gives a soft smile.

"Thank you.., so you were saying about coping mechanisms?"

"Well your mind cant heal like your body does so unlike your body you need to treat your mind like its...lets sayyy...Harmonia's mind or Luna's mind. Treat it with a bit more care"

"And how do you do that when everything is going at a million miles an hour?"

"Tune out what would hurt you? Maybe when you feel yourself thinking about something that would harm your mind in the long run, just ignore it," Terminal says, "Wont be easy though"

"And if it's impossible to ignore?"

"Then you take that hit, ignore what you can and then it wont be as bad when things do get to you, like the relapse thing we discussed, it's ok if you mess up but you're already doing a lot better than not trying at all."

"Yeah but how do you identify what would harm you and what wouldn't? Cause sometimes it's really difficult to tell"

"Well when it starts to hurt you will know," Terminal says, "Like being stabbed"

"I'm pretty used to being stabbed, mate, but I see your point," Spider shrugs

"Now its not ignoring how you feel, its ignoring whats made you feel that way, like blocking a punch rather than taking it and pretending youre ok"

"Hm, but then what do you do with the feelings?"

"Experience them, let them run their course"

"Weren't we just talking about avoiding things that hurt?" Spider chuckles grimly.

"Well yeah, hmm..maybe I'm not the best at explaining" Terminal says, while Spider shakes her head at him, smiling. Terminal continues, "Well whether my explaining was shit or not, looks like it did something good, at least! You're smiling."

"'Cause that was funny" Spider sighs, the smile fading, "You ever feel like you're broken in some way?"

"Always, dear"

"You know the first thing I do when I see someone new?"

"Check for weapons?"

"Kinda? I analyse them see how they behave and then I think about how I would kill them if something went wrong"

"Not too surprising"

"But it's hardly normal is it?"

"What you consider normal, I consider boring, perhaps even soulless"

"How so? Wouldn't you do anything to live the lives some of the people in our group have?"

"It only seems like thats a good idea because you havent before."

"That's my point," Spider sighs, "I get that everyone has their own struggles but sometimes I can't help but think 'why the hell are you complaining?'"

"Maybe it would help to get to know other people better? Give more insight to how difficult others lives are based on what they have been through or know"

"Yeah I know.."

"Well, who do you want to get to know better?" Terminal asks.

"I'm not sure to be honest, I feel like I know you pretty well but then again once I know how to kill someone I feel the same way so.."

"Am I one of the people you think are lucky for the life I live?"

"Yes and no"

"And how so?"

"Well to be honest I'd take living in a hospital to some of the things I've had to do, but at the same time I know the things that have happened to you and I know what happened to you down here and how it's all affected you and I don't consider you lucky for that"

"Well, you cant take one part of someones life without taking the rest of it, and I'd hardly call that hospital lucky.." Terminal says. Spider sighs, mumbling something. Terminal asks, "Pardon?"

"I'd take it over constantly being scared for my life, having fight and kill and do unspeakable things all in the name of survival"

"Okay, but what if you had everything perfect, then one day its all taken away from you due to having one flaw? And, you're forced to live away from your home, constantly scared that youre never going to get out, always fighting with yourself to not give in to doing unspeakable things...well, not in the name of survival at all.." Terminal avaids her eyes as he looks to the side with a somber expression.

"Yeah...sorry.." Spider, sighs looking at the floor.

"Well, now that I've said that do you feel the same about it?" Terminal asks.

"No"

"what do you feel about it now?"

"Angry, that that happened to you and at myself"

"Why at yourself?"

"Because I was insensitive and I've upset you"

"It's okay, dear, I'm getting better about talking about it"

"That's good"

"So, I hope this talk helped," Terminal gets up, "At least it's better than what could have happened."

"Yeah, about that.." Spider sighs looking nervous.

"Yes?"

"Did you mean what you said? When you said you weren't going to copy me anymore"

"I meant it"

"Would you mind holding onto it for me for a bit?" Spider pulls out the switchblade.

"Uhm, ok, dear," Terminal holds out a hand.

"Thanks, sorry it's just... That's the one I usually use and I trust you so.." Spider hands it to him and closes her eyes.

"It's safe with me dear, er.. I suppose you wouldn't want to see where I put it."

"No, again thanks, mate, sorry to put that on you though"

"Very well, im going to go put this away then," Terminal leaves the room. After a moment and some shuffling in another room, Spider hears him start moving things around more frantically and saying something. Spider listens, trying to make out what he's saying. "Where is it where is it where is it???"

"Don't tell me you've lost it already," Spider calls out, jokingly.

"Nonono, not that, dear, I just put that away, er uhhhh, I'll be back," Terminal disappears. Spider teleports into the room Term was just in and looks around. It has the boxes of Christmas music Harmonia gave him, and the Roxanne Wolf plush. Spider teleports back into the previous room, and sighs and beginning to search the bunker, looking for Term's lost item. Though, they can't seem to find it. Spider sighs and sits down against the wall in one of the rooms.