Mailman and Joshua wake up sitting in plastic chairs at a table in a white room. There's a mirror on the wall and a speaker in front of them.
Joshua groans and stares at the speaker. "I swear if I hear Mariah Carey come out of that speaker I'm gonna lose it.”
Mailman wakes up. "Did I hear Mariah Carey!"
“Don't you fucking dare.” Joshua groans.
Mailman starts singing Christmas music.
"NO, NO FUCK YOU- IT'S ONLY NOVEMBER!” Joshua screeches as he covers his ears.
Mailman keeps singing.
It starts snowing in the room as Joshua screams. "IT'S NOT FUCKING DECEMBER!”
A voice comes over the speaker. "What can you tell us about Nicole Rose Moore?"
The snowing stops as Joshua sighs. "Cole works for her I think? Cause he like tortured us that one time for her.” He shrugs. "I don't know man.”
"Lovely lad. Taught me a lot. Now Joshua, what's your favorite Christmas song!" Mailman stares at Joshua with a smile.
"What did she teach you?" Asks the voice.
"I don't like any of them!" Joshua replies, staring with an angry expression.
"Oh come on you must like one of them!" Mailman replies.
"NO, NO I FUCKING DON'T!” It starts snowing again.
"What did Nicole Rose Moore teach you?" The speaker asks again.
Mailman starts singing Christmas music again.
Joshua covers his ears as his tail curls up. "LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA CAN'T FUCKING HEAR YOU!”
A laser shoots from the top corner of the room, barely scratching Joshua's hair. "What did Nicole Rose Moore teach you?"
"IF THAT LASER BURNS MY FUR I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!” Joshua screams as his tail cracks like a whip against the wall.
"That Rose was a great Lad! Taught me everything I know.” Mailman says.
"What do you know about the Collection?" Asks the speaker.
Mailman's eye twitches "So what's your favorite? Jingle bells? Christmas rock?"
"None of them, none of the fucking Christmas music.” Joshua glares at Mailman
"Come on! There's got to be a good one!"
Another laser fires at Joshua, barely missing. "What do you know about the Collection?"
"I love collecting bottle caps!" Mailman exclaims.
"I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!” Joshua stares at the laser.
"Joshua, what can you tell us about Rebirth?" The speaker asks.
“That he's a fucking whore.” Joshua snarls
A laser is shot at Joshua's neck, burning it slightly and causing a cramp.
Joshua snarls as his tail cracks like a whip next to the laser. "FUCK YOU!”
"Joshua, what can you tell us about Rebirth?"
"HE'S INSANE AND A WHORE!”
It shoots again this time the feeling more intense. "Joshua, what can you tell us about Rebirth?"
"What's your favorite Christmas song?" Mailman asks.
"Rebirth is a human Mailman that I'm dating.” Joshua says snarkily as he crosses his arms.
They decide to give up in favor of a more pressing question.
The mirror lights up into a screen.
It displays multiple images, showing a Slinger divulgar, a Slasher divulgar, a Gander divulgar, a Magpie divulgar, and Nyx.
"Please identify the Eye-Crested Divulgar in this image."
"Why? Can you not do it yourself?" Mailman asks.
"Do it yourself.” Joshua crosses his arms.
"Please identify the Eye-Crested Divulgar in this image."
"I don't think they know how to do it themselves.” Mailman says to Joshua.
"Fuckin uh-” Joshua stares at the mirror. "Probably that one.” He points at Nyx as it stops snowing.
"Can you confirm or deny this identification, Rebirth?" The voice asks.
"It's none of them.” Mailman replies.
The images remain the same.
"Please identify the Pyrite's Divulgar in this image."
"Are you guys blind?" Mailman asks.
"Please identify the Pyrite's Divulgar in this image."
Joshua points at Nyx again.
"Stop pointing at Nyx.” Mailman says.
“But she's the only one I knowwww-” Joshua whines while pointing at Nyx again.
"Move to the left.” Mailman says.
“No.” Joshua pouts and crosses his arms.
"Alright, suit yourself. Now, what's your favorite Christmas movie?" Mailman asks.
"Please identify the Pyrite's Divulgar in this image."
Joshua stares at Nyx and then looks back to Mailman. “Never watched any of them."
"Really none?" Mailman replies.
“Mhm.” Joshua nods.
"Hey, could you play a Christmas movie on the screen for us?" Mailman asks.
"Only if you identify the Pyrite's Divulgar in this image."
Joshua points at Nyx.
Mailman sighs. "Move to the left,”
Joshua points at the slasher.
"To the right.” Mailman says.
Joshua points at the gander.
"A bit more.” Mailman says.
Joshua points at the magpie.
"There you go. Now, what about that Christmas movie?" Mailman asks.
Joshua claps his paws together. "Can we watch that one movie about the penguins?”
"Sounds wonderful! Play that one movie with the penguins!"
Happy Feet comes on.
Joshua claps his paws together and watches it happily
Mailman watches it all. "How did you like your first Christmas movie Joshy?"
"Makes me wanna-” Joshua gets up and starts doing the Happy Feet dance.
Mailman laughs.
Joshua’s paws start making the clacking noise that they do in the movie as he keeps going.
Mailman continues laughing.
The images reappear on the screen. "Please identify the Ridge's Divulgar in this image."
"Why?" Mailman asks.
"Please identify the Ridge's Divulgar in this image."
"Why?" Mailman asks again.
Joshua points at Mailman.
"You think I'm a ridges divulgar?" Mailman asks.
Joshua keeps pointing.
"You really think I'm the talkative moral compass?" Mailman asks.
Joshua thinks about it and then points at Nyx.
Mailman hangs his head and sighs "No. Definitely not that one.”
Joshua slowly points at Mailman.
"You already pointed at me." Mailman says.
Joshua points at the gander with a raised eyebrow.
"There you go.” Mailman replies.
"Please identify the Crown-Backed Divulgar in this image."
"I'm learning...." Joshua points at Mailman.
"You got one right first try.” Mailman replies.
"...what?” Joshua seems surprised.
"But its also on there too.” Mailman gestures at the screen.
Joshua points at Nyx.
"No.”
Joshua points at the gander.
"Nope".
Joshua points at the slasher.
"No. Come on, one left.”
Joshua points at the slinger. "I better get Cheetos for this...."
"There you go.” Mailman slowly claps.
“Do I get Cheetos?” Joshua asks with a smile.
"Get the man some Cheetos!" Mailman exclaims.
Cheetos are thrown into the room from a hatch in the ceiling.
Joshua sits down on the floor and eats the Cheetos, there's some Cheeto dust getting into his fur.
Mailman watches and seems slightly sad.
"Please identify the Hybrid Divulgar in this image."
Mailman returns to normal. "That's not on there.”
"Can you describe what a Hybrid Divulgar is?"
"A current one or the old one?" Mailman asks.
"Both."
"And why should I tell you?" He asks.
"Would you like us to play another Christmas movie?" The speaker asks.
"No.” Mailman replies.
"Joshua, can you describe what a Hybrid Divulgar is?" The speaker asks.
Joshua looks up from eating his Cheetos, his paws and face are covered in dust. “Hmm?"
Mailman watches.
"Isn't that one like two divulgars have sex or something?” Joshua asks.
"What? NO!" Mailman exclaims.
A very visible laser gun points at Joshua. "Please convince Rebirth to describe Hybrid Divulgars to us."
Joshua grabs a Cheeto from the bag and holds it out to the laser gun. "Cheeto?"
It shoots the Cheeto, turning it into dust. "Please convince Rebirth to describe Hybrid Divulgars to us."
Joshua frowns and whines. “I wanted to eat that.”
"Please convince Rebirth to describe Hybrid Divulgars to us."
"Stop calling me that.” Mailman demands.
"Why do you want him to describe to divulgars having sex?” Joshua asks.
It shoots at Joshua, the feeling described earlier happening again. "Please convince Rebirth to describe Hybrid Divulgars to us."
Joshua whines and paws at Mailman. “Describe iiiit"
Mailman raises his voice. "No, and can you stop calling me that? Thanks.”
"Please convince Rebirth to describe Hybrid Divulgars to us."
“Do you not like talking about the divulgar reproductive system?" Joshua asks.
"It has nothing to do with that.” Mailman replies.
“Then what are theyyyy!?” Joshua whines.
"Then tell us that it is!!!!" The voice on the speaker is Ociela's, before switching back to normal. "Please convince Rebirth to describe Hybrid Divulgars to us."
"What if I don't want to? Stop calling me that.” Mailman says.
The laser points at Joshua and looks ready to fire. "Please convince Rebirth to describe Hybrid Divulgars to us."
"Mailman pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeb-” Joshua whines.
"Why should I? They keep calling me Rebirth.” Mailman says.
"Because I'll eat your cookies if you do,” Joshua replies.
"I can't cook anything here.” Mailman says,
"Uhm uh uhm uh…” Joshua looks at the floor as he thinks then grabs a Cheeto from the bag and offers it to him. “You want this Cheeto and then tell me about them?"
"No.”
Joshua pouts and puts the Cheetos bag over his head.
The lazer shoots at the Cheetos bag and it disintegrates. "Please convince Rebirth to describe Hybrid Divulgars to us."
Mailman yells. "STOP CALLING ME THAT!"
“Mailmaaannn they’re gonna disintegrate meee-” A mirror appears in Joshua's paw and he holds it in the way of the laser.
Another laser gun appears behind Joshua. "Please convince Rebirth to describe Hybrid Divulgars to us."
"That's not my problem!, and If you call me that one more time I swear..." Mailman sneers.
Joshua whines as another mirror appears in his other hand and he holds it to the other laser gun. “So you would let me die?!"
"No comment.” Mailman says.
"Please convince Rebirth to describe Hybrid Divulgars to us." Another one appears.
"Please comment on that,” Joshua says. Another mirror appears in Joshua's tail as he holds it out to the laser.
"I mean I'm kinda used to death at this point.” Mailman says.
"I'm not?! It fucking hurts!" Joshua exclaims.
"Buck up.”
The laser guns all move out of the way of the mirrors and shoot Joshua, a burning sensation coming over his body. "Please convince Rebirth to describe Hybrid Divulgars to us."
Joshua groans and drops the mirrors as he snarls. “If you kill me you lose your key to unlocking information in Mailman and Cole!"
"And if you don't give it to us, we will kill you. Over, and over, and over, until you're but a shell of your former self.” The voice says.
"How original..." Mailman mumbles.
"And?! Cole said the same thing! but he never did because I'm the only one who knows his electronics inside and out!" Joshua snarls.
"Please convince Rebirth to describe Hybrid Divulgars to us."
"THAT'S IT!" Mailman gets up with rage. "COME HERE!”
"AW SHIT HERE WE FUCKING GO!” Joshua stands up and stares Mailman down
Mailman walks towards Joshua as his eyes shift and his teeth turn sharp.
Joshua's tail curls as it snows heavily. "TRY ME MOTHERFUCKER!”
Mailman tries to put a hand on Joshua's throat. Mailman's skin feels like fire.
Joshua's tail cracks like a whip as it hits Mailman's hand away. It feels like cold steel
Mailman pulls his hand away and goes to bite Joshua.
The workers are placing bets.
Joshua's tail cracks like a whip at Mailman's neck. "I'M TIRED OF YOU LASHING OUT AT ME, I HAVE TRIED AGAIN AND AGAIN TO HELP YOU!”
Mailman snaps at the tail and hisses.
"BUT YOU'VE PROVEN, AGAIN!” The tail cracks at one of Mailman's eyes. "AND AGAIN THAT YOU AREN'T WORTH MY EFFORT.”
Mailman shuts an eye and hisses as he steps back some.
"YOU THINK YOU’RE IN CONTROL, BUT YOU’RE NOT.” Joshua steps forward. "YOUR EGO SHOULD BE TEMPERED.” Joshua snarls as aims to smash one of the mirrors over Mailman's head.
The glass breaks and he stumbles back into the wall.
"I'M IN CONTROL, THE QUESTION IS WHEN YOU WILL LEARN THAT!” Joshua steps forward as he aims a kick at Mailman's stomach.
Mailman is winded and then begins laughing.
"You think this is a joke, don't you?! ANOTHER GAME TO YOU?” Joshua aims a punch at the side of Mailman's head.
Mailman staggers to the side as there's a growing feeling of bad luck.
Joshua aims to wrap around Mailman's waist as Joshua snarls.
Mailman catches on fire.
Joshua's tail is unaffected, still feeling like cold steel. Using his tail Joshua starts to spin Mailman around.
Mailman is spinned as his hands are slowly growing long claws.
Joshua continues to spin Mailman around the room while watching him with a glare full of rage.
Mailman claws at him recklessly.
He is unable to reach him as he continues to get spun.
"Memmurmeumrumeumruemrumerumeumree.” Mailman gets spun.
"Talk to the fucking wall because that's at least something that would wanna listen to your endless drivel.” Mailman is flung into a wall as Joshua snarls.
Mailman slams into the wall as he stumbles.
Joshua runs up behind him and aims a sucker punch at the back of his head.
Mailman ducks and punches him in the crotch.
"MY FUCKING BALLS YOU BITCH!” Joshua's tail cracks at Mailman's crotch.
"Oh no, my twins!” Mailman crumbles. “My magoobaloos! My mobermadobers! My grocery list!”
Joshua groans as he stands up and aims a punch at Mailman's throat. "YOU FUCKING CHATTERBOX SHUT UP!”
Mailman ducks and sprints to the table as he picks it up.
"DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE!” A metal folding chair appears in Joshua's hands as he stares Mailman down.
"I fucking will.” A flattering dress appears on the table.
"....why is there a dress on the table?” Joshua asks, staring at the dress.
“Jealous are we?” Mailman holds the table like a prom date.
"If you make out with that table I'm taking your lips off.” Joshua's tail curls as he stares at Mailman
Mailman slow dances with the table.
Joshua stares somewhat jealously.
Mailman starts making out with the table, goodly.
Joshua looks very jealous as he keeps watching as he mutters. “You never do that with me...."
Mailman takes the table out for dinner.
Joshua whimpers quietly. "..you never do with me either...."
Mailman starts eating the dress.
"....." Joshua stares as he mutters. "I'm glad you don't do that to me.”
Mailman eats the table.
Joshua continues to watch.
Mailman spits out the table and throws it at Joshua.
Joshua ducks and sprints at Mailman, aiming to tackle him.
Mailman is tackled but bites into his shoulder.
Joshua snarls as he aims a punch at Mailman's jaw.
Mailman stays latched on and shuts his eyes as he clamps down harder.
Joshua groans as the metal folding chair flies into his hand as he smashes it over Mailman's head, shattering like glass.
Mailman lets go but left deep gashes from the bite.
"YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!” Joshua yells. A metal chair with spikes covering it appears in Joshua's hands as he aims to hit it across Mailman's face
Skin is ripped off of Mailman’s face revealing a canine-like skull underneath. Mailman's eyes flicker some as he dives to claw at his torso.
Joshua's torso is clawed as he stumbles back. Then he snarls as his tail cracks at Mailman's remaining eye.
Where Mailman clawed starts to catch on fire. Mailman hisses at the strike and lunges to bite Joshua’s arm.
Joshua moves his arm away as he aims a sucker punch at Mailman's forehead. He doesn't seem bothered by the fire.
The punch knocks Mailman out who falls on the floor. Mailman is still on fire
Joshua breathes heavily as he stares at Mailman and then at the speaker. “Can I leave now?”
The gas fills up the room and they wake up back in their cell!
---
Their cell is now divided down the middle by metal bars to keep the two lovebirds from killing each other.
Mailman still has no face and wakes up as he gurgles on the floor.
Joshua wakes up as he stretches. “Fuck is that noise?” He looks over at Mailman.
He gurgles.
Joshua stares through the bars.
Mailman gurgles as he starts crawling toward Joshua.
Joshua watches. “There are bars in the way dumbass.”
Mailman starts crawling through the bars as they distort and flicker being bent and twisted.
“What....." Joshua starts scooting away from the bars.
Mailman claws his way toward him.
Joshua tries to kick him away as he starts shaking with fear.
Mailman takes the hits and keeps getting closer.
"G-get the fuck away from m-me!” Joshua keeps kicking him in the face as he tries to calm himself.
The skull flickers from dull to bright white as he tries to bite his leg.
After so many chomps Mailman remains on the ground, hissing like a creature.
Mailman's voice sounds distorted and faint, like an old recording "Where am I? Where are I?"
Joshua is ignoring him.
"Where are I? Where am I?" It continues to repeat in no specific direction.
Joshua is not at all being driven insane by the noises.
It continues.
After many hours Mailman says. "By light I am scorned from the severity, by its reflection I am withered, inefficient. Absent centered and distilled life, no focus will bring me, their soft green parody of their song and dance." There's a strong feeling of good luck as Mailman slowly pulls himself up and stands.
“God, you sound like Cole in his fucking containment cell shut the fuck up.” Joshua grumbles.
Mailman's face slowly heals back as a pair of translucent white dove wings flicker behind him for a moment. He takes a deep breath and breaths out his nose as he opens his eyes. He looks over at Joshua. "Oh hey, Joshy!”
"Don't call me Joshy like you didn't make out with a table better than you ever have done with me you fucking bitch.” Joshua snaps at Mailman.
"Did I do that?" Mailman asks.
“Yes, you fucking did!"
"Well now that I have been re-enlightened by the realigning of my soul to the void, I don't feel the need to betray and hurt you anymore! Yippee!" Mailman exclaims.
Joshua stares at him. “So you’re not gonna abuse me and actually love me and treat me like your boyfriend instead of a punching bag?"
"Indeed I am! I'm sorry for the ways my past self has treated you. It was an affliction of memory.” Mailman says.
"... I'll believe it when I see it.” Joshua sighs.
"Soon. I would need us to escape to adequately show you"
“And how are we going to escape?"
"Where there's a will there's a way!" Mailman sits down near the bars and smiles. "Memory was such a burden.”
"I guess but like how are we getting out...." Joshua stays away from the bars as he looks confused.
Mailman has the same innocent smile he did when they first met. "I can ask Nyx!"
Joshua sighs as he sits down near Mailman. “That could work.”
Mailman stares for a long moment. "Now just to remember how to do that..."
Joshua stares at Mailman.
Mailman stares back with a smile.
"It's weird seeing you smile normally...." Joshua mutters.
"Why? Do you not want me happy?" Mailman asks.
"No, no I want you to be happy it's just strange seeing you smile after...everything.” Joshua sighs.
"I'm afraid I don't recall everything as it was. I warped my mind so I could treat you better and have a better future." He smiles warmly.
"Again, I'll believe it when I see it.”
Joshua sighs as he leans his head against the bars.
Mailman reaches through the bars and gently puts a hand on his shoulder. "We'll get out of this together, I'm sure of it.”
Joshua jumps slightly and nods. "Okay.” He grabs the bars and sighs. "I wish these weren't here.”
"I wish I could cook something" Mailman’s smile fades as he looks down.
"If we were at my house then you could cook something,” Joshua mutters.
"I can't wait to cook something for you now that I'm better. It would be so awesome, it would be so cool.” Mailman says.
Joshua giggles. “Very funny.”
Mailman isn't smiling as he looks at the ground quietly.
"Oh come on, lighten up.” Joshua reaches a paw through the bars and rests it on Mailman's shoulder. “We'll get out of here, you said we would.”
Mailman puts his head on the bars and starts crying.
"Why are you crying?" Joshua asks as he scoots closer to Mailman.
"I'm tired, I want a warm meal, I want to drive the mail truck, I want to watch tv, i want to be by you, I don't want to be tested on anymore…” Mailman says.
Joshua tears up slightly. “You...you really have changed..."
"I'm scared Joshy.” Mailman says.
"I'm scared too, I'm scared too,” Joshua mutters. "I just wanna curl up on you while watching tv and not have to worry about tests or being separated by bars.”
"The table cheated on me and took the kids..." Mailman grumbles under his breath.
Joshua quietly snickers. "Why did you say that..."
"My heart is broken Joshy, there's a hole I can never repair.”
"Maybe I could repair the hole? Whenever we leave here you can have all of the cuddling you want and watch all the tv you want, and we can just relax and be happy in each other's company?" Joshua accidentally bonks his nose on the bars.
Mailman opens his messenger bag and pulls out the sad stale cookie labeled my heart. It has a chip taken out of it and a crack.
Joshua sighs and smiles at Mailman. “Look at me, I'll make you a new heart when we get back"
Mailman looks at him with tears in his eyes "Really? You would do that for me?"
"I would! Cause you know what?” Joshua smiles slightly wider.
"What?"
"I care about you! and I'd love to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Mailman's face turns a hint red as he smiles slightly. "That's the nicest thing you've said to me"
"Hey, I said nice things to you when we first met!" Joshua exclaims.
"You didn't know me well then. You knowing me and yet saying that? That's like, ten times better!” Mailman says.
"I mean you said you would change so maybe you'll hear more nice things like that.”
Joshua smiles
Mailman smiles happily.
"I wish I could curl up on your chest and sleep.” Joshua sighs.
"I want to coooookkkkkk…” Mailman whines.
“Meth?" Joshua asks.
"What's meth?" Mailman asks.
“Don't worry about it.”
"Do you know how to cook it?" Mailman asks.
"...no"
"We could learn a new recipe together!!! It'll be so exciting.”
"...sure...sure"
"I sure hope it calls for icing! I make a mean batch of icing!"